1
00:00:03,133 --> 00:00:04,743
Yay!

2
00:00:06,745 --> 00:00:09,615
2 with everything, but no
onions on mine. I have a woman.

3
00:00:09,792 --> 00:00:12,272
I'll have Sauerkraut
and onions. I have TiVo.

4
00:00:18,931 --> 00:00:21,281
Did you see that? Unfortunately.

5
00:00:22,022 --> 00:00:24,682
Now that I'm off the market, all
the females want a piece of this.

6
00:00:24,850 --> 00:00:26,550
Spence, it's the
forbidden fruit theory.

7
00:00:26,722 --> 00:00:28,182
When you're in a
committed relationship,

8
00:00:28,202 --> 00:00:30,202
people are more
attracted to you.

9
00:00:30,378 --> 00:00:32,178
Really? 'Cause I was also
thinking maybe it had something

10
00:00:32,206 --> 00:00:34,336
to do with my tree
trunk-like biceps.

11
00:00:36,166 --> 00:00:37,426
I'm usually not this bold,

12
00:00:37,602 --> 00:00:39,172
but I had to approach you.

13
00:00:39,343 --> 00:00:42,003
Excuse me, but how do
you know I'm not his woman?

14
00:00:42,172 --> 00:00:43,832
She's not my woman.

15
00:00:45,915 --> 00:00:50,915
♪ Through this
journey of discovery ♪

16
00:00:51,094 --> 00:00:54,924
♪ you're finding
you I'm finding me ♪

17
00:00:55,098 --> 00:00:58,278
♪ now that I have
someone special ♪

18
00:00:58,449 --> 00:01:00,189
♪ who brings out the joy ♪

19
00:01:00,364 --> 00:01:01,504
♪ brings out the joy ♪

20
00:01:01,670 --> 00:01:04,720
♪ inside of me ♪

21
00:01:04,890 --> 00:01:07,150
♪ we can become
whatever we want ♪

22
00:01:07,328 --> 00:01:09,288
♪ all we need is lovin', yeah ♪

23
00:01:09,460 --> 00:01:12,810
♪ that's the way I
feel it should be ♪

24
00:01:12,985 --> 00:01:14,505
♪ you and me ♪

25
00:01:14,683 --> 00:01:17,563
[Off-key] ♪ me ♪

26
00:01:23,387 --> 00:01:25,147
So, mom, we've been
missing each other lately.

27
00:01:25,259 --> 00:01:26,909
What's new? Hmm, let's see.

28
00:01:27,087 --> 00:01:29,177
All 4 cats had worms.
That was messy.

29
00:01:30,829 --> 00:01:32,549
They sell Starbucks at
my grocery store now.

30
00:01:32,614 --> 00:01:34,224
Oh! And I bought
an inflatable man,

31
00:01:34,398 --> 00:01:36,138
so now I can drive
in the car pool Lane.

32
00:01:38,010 --> 00:01:39,880
Ok, before you 2
are spooning in bed,

33
00:01:40,056 --> 00:01:41,406
you really need a social life.

34
00:01:42,363 --> 00:01:43,493
Look who's talking.

35
00:01:43,668 --> 00:01:44,968
Please! The last time you dated,

36
00:01:45,148 --> 00:01:46,888
people still had turntables.

37
00:01:48,195 --> 00:01:49,325
Who are you saving it for?

38
00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:51,500
Morgan Freeman.

39
00:01:53,417 --> 00:01:55,287
Hey, guys! I brought
you some dessert.

40
00:01:55,463 --> 00:01:57,123
Phyllis Thorne,
you've got a man!

41
00:01:59,423 --> 00:02:02,123
I have a sixth sense
about these things,

42
00:02:02,296 --> 00:02:03,986
and I am never, never wrong.

43
00:02:04,167 --> 00:02:06,517
Never ever. Admit it.

44
00:02:07,214 --> 00:02:09,134
Ok, yes. I'm seeing someone.

45
00:02:09,303 --> 00:02:11,483
Really? 'Cause
sometimes I am wrong.

46
00:02:13,394 --> 00:02:15,964
Mom, what happened to saving
yourself for Morgan Freeman?

47
00:02:16,136 --> 00:02:17,876
You said it was time to move on.

48
00:02:19,269 --> 00:02:20,439
I just said it.

49
00:02:20,618 --> 00:02:22,138
See how well I take advice?

50
00:02:23,795 --> 00:02:25,835
Well, this is great!
You have a man.

51
00:02:26,015 --> 00:02:28,365
A real man, a breathing man.

52
00:02:29,410 --> 00:02:30,760
Why didn't you tell me?

53
00:02:30,933 --> 00:02:32,853
Because I'm a
very private person.

54
00:02:33,022 --> 00:02:35,292
Not with my business you're not.

55
00:02:35,459 --> 00:02:37,289
I'm sorry. It's
just that Earl and I

56
00:02:37,461 --> 00:02:38,851
have only been
dating for a month,

57
00:02:39,028 --> 00:02:40,468
and we decided to
keep it on the q.T.

58
00:02:40,595 --> 00:02:41,895
Till we knew where
it was headed.

59
00:02:42,074 --> 00:02:43,864
A whole month? This is huge.

60
00:02:44,033 --> 00:02:45,453
What does he look
like? What does he do?

61
00:02:45,469 --> 00:02:47,039
Has he made it
to first base yet?

62
00:02:47,950 --> 00:02:49,470
Earl is fine.

63
00:02:50,518 --> 00:02:51,818
Owns his own business,

64
00:02:51,997 --> 00:02:53,187
and I forget
where first base is,

65
00:02:53,216 --> 00:02:54,736
but he's definitely on deck.

66
00:02:55,784 --> 00:02:57,484
And every time I see him,

67
00:02:57,655 --> 00:02:59,135
my heart skips a beat.

68
00:02:59,309 --> 00:03:00,789
Ohh!

69
00:03:00,963 --> 00:03:03,663
That is so precious.

70
00:03:03,835 --> 00:03:05,675
I hope I can still have
those kinds of feelings

71
00:03:05,750 --> 00:03:07,670
when i'm in my golden years.

72
00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:12,931
That didn't come out right.

73
00:03:13,976 --> 00:03:16,326
So when do I get to
meet him? Oh, forget it.

74
00:03:16,500 --> 00:03:18,500
Took me 10 years to reel one in.

75
00:03:18,676 --> 00:03:21,506
I don't want you tipping over the
boat before I've got him in the net.

76
00:03:23,638 --> 00:03:26,288
Ma, I want to be part of the
things that make you happy.

77
00:03:26,467 --> 00:03:28,557
And I haven't
seen you this happy

78
00:03:28,730 --> 00:03:31,490
since you thought your cat scratched
a heart shape in the kitty litter.

79
00:03:31,515 --> 00:03:33,995
Believe what you
want. I know what I saw.

80
00:03:35,127 --> 00:03:36,517
Ma.

81
00:03:36,694 --> 00:03:38,244
Oh, all right. I'll bring
him by tomorrow.

82
00:03:38,261 --> 00:03:39,501
Great. I'll whip up some snacks.

83
00:03:39,610 --> 00:03:40,890
Honey, he ain't
staying that long.

84
00:03:40,916 --> 00:03:43,176
You get a glimpse,
and he's gone.

85
00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:50,190
Why are you 2 acting like you've
never seen me go out with a man before?

86
00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:52,100
[Together] We haven't.

87
00:03:52,275 --> 00:03:53,965
Hey, everybody.

88
00:03:54,146 --> 00:03:57,236
Damn, mamasita,
you clean up good!

89
00:03:59,108 --> 00:04:00,498
Real good.

90
00:04:01,545 --> 00:04:04,105
Thank you, baby. I still got it,

91
00:04:04,287 --> 00:04:06,327
but I'm ready to give it away.

92
00:04:07,159 --> 00:04:09,379
Ok. Spence, did you
bring the extra film?

93
00:04:09,553 --> 00:04:11,513
I couldn't even get
in the drugstore.

94
00:04:11,686 --> 00:04:13,426
Women were rushing me so hard.

95
00:04:13,601 --> 00:04:17,521
I mean, what's a
super-sexy brother to do?

96
00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:20,348
First of all,
super-sexy brothers

97
00:04:20,521 --> 00:04:22,311
don't call themselves
super-sexy.

98
00:04:22,479 --> 00:04:24,389
And second of all, you
tell those heifers in heat

99
00:04:24,568 --> 00:04:26,048
you're in a committed
relationship.

100
00:04:26,222 --> 00:04:28,222
[Knock on door]That's Earl.

101
00:04:30,748 --> 00:04:32,528
Hello, muffin-top.
Just lookin' for li'l Dee.

102
00:04:32,707 --> 00:04:33,747
Phyllis...

103
00:04:33,925 --> 00:04:36,005
Your clothes match.

104
00:04:39,366 --> 00:04:42,496
Aren't you brave, dressing
in front of a mirror these days.

105
00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:47,424
Yes, this is what it
looks like to dress sober.

106
00:04:48,679 --> 00:04:49,799
Come on, mother. We gotta go.

107
00:04:49,898 --> 00:04:51,548
Yeah, thanks for dropping by.

108
00:04:51,726 --> 00:04:53,486
Why are you all suddenly
so anxious for me to leave?

109
00:04:53,510 --> 00:04:54,950
Phyllis: Don't be ridiculous.

110
00:04:55,120 --> 00:04:57,170
We're always anxious
for you to leave.

111
00:05:00,212 --> 00:05:01,212
Hi, I'm Earl.

112
00:05:01,344 --> 00:05:02,874
And obviously lost.

113
00:05:03,041 --> 00:05:05,221
This is a man-free zone.

114
00:05:06,175 --> 00:05:07,655
Hello, handsome.

115
00:05:08,395 --> 00:05:09,655
Hello, beautiful.

116
00:05:15,706 --> 00:05:17,186
Everyone, this is Earl.

117
00:05:17,360 --> 00:05:18,710
My man.

118
00:05:19,667 --> 00:05:21,707
He's tall.

119
00:05:23,497 --> 00:05:25,367
Earl, I'd like you to
meet my daughter Mona.

120
00:05:25,542 --> 00:05:26,982
Hi.this is Spencer.

121
00:05:27,152 --> 00:05:28,152
Dee Dee...

122
00:05:28,328 --> 00:05:29,978
Phyllis: And big Dee Dee.

123
00:05:31,156 --> 00:05:32,676
It's nice to meet you all.

124
00:05:32,854 --> 00:05:34,384
We're so thrilled that someone

125
00:05:34,551 --> 00:05:36,161
is finally taking
out our little Phyllis.

126
00:05:38,990 --> 00:05:40,950
Mother, what are you doing?

127
00:05:41,123 --> 00:05:43,823
If he's dating Phyllis,
he must be blind.

128
00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:47,345
Ok, we've gotta go now.

129
00:05:48,957 --> 00:05:50,177
Forgive them for rushing off.

130
00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:52,610
The big one's gotta
do a drag show.

131
00:05:53,744 --> 00:05:56,314
Tonight, he/she's
doing latoya Jackson.

132
00:05:56,486 --> 00:05:58,226
Really?

133
00:05:58,401 --> 00:06:00,061
He's very convincing.

134
00:06:00,229 --> 00:06:02,109
Although, I could tell
a little around the feet.

135
00:06:03,798 --> 00:06:06,448
So, Earl, have a seat.
Tell us about yourself.

136
00:06:06,627 --> 00:06:08,457
Yeah, like how did you 2 meet?

137
00:06:08,629 --> 00:06:10,809
At a food festival at pier 39.

138
00:06:10,979 --> 00:06:12,809
Our eyes met as we both reached

139
00:06:12,981 --> 00:06:14,641
for a giant Turkey leg.

140
00:06:16,245 --> 00:06:18,245
We decided to share it.

141
00:06:18,421 --> 00:06:19,941
I let her have the skin.

142
00:06:21,424 --> 00:06:23,734
Isn't he romantic?

143
00:06:23,905 --> 00:06:25,905
[Laughing together]

144
00:06:27,517 --> 00:06:29,127
But poultry aside,

145
00:06:29,954 --> 00:06:31,524
the most captivating
thing about Phyllis

146
00:06:31,695 --> 00:06:33,305
is her spirit.

147
00:06:33,480 --> 00:06:35,400
And then those eyes,

148
00:06:35,569 --> 00:06:37,479
and that smile. Ooh.

149
00:06:38,528 --> 00:06:41,398
Old dude's rap is tight!

150
00:06:42,532 --> 00:06:44,402
So tell me, Earl,

151
00:06:44,578 --> 00:06:46,468
what exactly are your
intentions towards my mother?

152
00:06:46,493 --> 00:06:49,413
To get me to
dinner on time. Bye.

153
00:06:50,584 --> 00:06:52,374
It was a pleasure
meeting both of you.

154
00:06:52,542 --> 00:06:54,852
Same here. You kids have fun.

155
00:06:55,023 --> 00:06:57,503
Do you have cab fare in
case something comes up?

156
00:06:57,678 --> 00:06:59,898
If something comes
up, I won't need a cab.

157
00:07:06,208 --> 00:07:07,428
Ok.

158
00:07:10,560 --> 00:07:12,480
Sorry, this seat is taken.

159
00:07:12,649 --> 00:07:14,329
My friend Meredith
Kessler is sitting there,

160
00:07:14,434 --> 00:07:17,094
and you don't want to
mess with a new yorker.

161
00:07:17,262 --> 00:07:19,052
I don't see anyone.

162
00:07:20,004 --> 00:07:22,054
Then meet my friend Jimmy choo.

163
00:07:43,027 --> 00:07:44,677
Hi.

164
00:07:44,855 --> 00:07:46,065
Don't I know you?

165
00:07:46,248 --> 00:07:47,948
You're, um... Let's see...

166
00:07:48,119 --> 00:07:49,769
I know I know your name.

167
00:07:49,947 --> 00:07:51,777
Give me a minute. It's,
uh... Woman: Denise.

168
00:07:51,949 --> 00:07:54,389
Right! Denise.

169
00:07:54,561 --> 00:07:58,521
Yes, from that time
we met at that place.

170
00:07:58,695 --> 00:08:00,995
And... and you were
with that man you're with.

171
00:08:01,176 --> 00:08:03,956
Oh, you mean my husband,
Earl? Your husband Earl.

172
00:08:04,135 --> 00:08:06,525
Oh, no!

173
00:08:06,703 --> 00:08:09,713
I mean, I know
because I know you

174
00:08:09,880 --> 00:08:11,400
and that's Earl,

175
00:08:11,578 --> 00:08:13,488
and you are
married to him, right?

176
00:08:13,667 --> 00:08:14,887
Right.

177
00:08:15,059 --> 00:08:16,579
You know what? I have to go.

178
00:08:16,757 --> 00:08:18,447
I have trouble with intimacy.

179
00:08:18,628 --> 00:08:20,848
Wait! What did you
say your name was?

180
00:08:21,022 --> 00:08:23,632
Um... olive.

181
00:08:23,807 --> 00:08:25,327
Olive maraschino.

182
00:08:26,897 --> 00:08:29,287
I'm Italian on my
daddy's side. Bye!

183
00:08:33,643 --> 00:08:35,523
I knew Earl was
too good to be true.

184
00:08:35,689 --> 00:08:37,209
What am I gonna do?

185
00:08:37,386 --> 00:08:39,646
Mona, you have to tell
your mom about him.

186
00:08:39,823 --> 00:08:41,043
But she's so happy.

187
00:08:41,216 --> 00:08:42,586
It's been a week
since she nagged me

188
00:08:42,609 --> 00:08:44,569
about popping out
some grandbabies.

189
00:08:45,394 --> 00:08:48,144
You gotta be strong.
You gotta do this.

190
00:08:48,310 --> 00:08:50,180
And, you know,
I'm here for you, sis.

191
00:08:50,355 --> 00:08:51,835
[Moans]

192
00:08:52,009 --> 00:08:54,579
Hey, girls. I'm out of here.

193
00:08:54,751 --> 00:08:56,321
Hey, hey, hey. Let
go of that door knob,

194
00:08:56,492 --> 00:08:57,952
or you'll be picking
up your French tips.

195
00:08:57,972 --> 00:09:00,102
Ooh, fighting words.
What's going on?

196
00:09:00,278 --> 00:09:02,538
I think Mona can
answer that. Mona?

197
00:09:02,716 --> 00:09:05,546
Is it something juicy? I think
Mona can answer that. Mona?

198
00:09:05,719 --> 00:09:07,279
Is something wrong?
I think Mona can...

199
00:09:07,372 --> 00:09:08,812
Ok!

200
00:09:08,983 --> 00:09:11,423
It's obvious Mona's
around here, sis.

201
00:09:11,594 --> 00:09:12,944
Ma, it seems that...

202
00:09:13,117 --> 00:09:14,597
Earl's married,
and I met his wife.

203
00:09:15,859 --> 00:09:17,639
Oh, this can't be happening.

204
00:09:17,818 --> 00:09:19,908
I'm sorry, ma, but
we had to tell you.

205
00:09:20,081 --> 00:09:22,341
I feel so stupid and embarrassed

206
00:09:22,518 --> 00:09:24,258
to put you girls
in this position.

207
00:09:24,433 --> 00:09:26,173
It's not your fault, Phyllis.

208
00:09:26,348 --> 00:09:28,388
Yeah, you didn't
know Earl was married.

209
00:09:28,568 --> 00:09:29,698
Actually, I did.

210
00:09:29,873 --> 00:09:31,923
I just didn't want you to.

211
00:09:36,445 --> 00:09:39,095
But, ma, how could
you keep seeing him

212
00:09:39,274 --> 00:09:41,494
if you knew he was married?

213
00:09:41,668 --> 00:09:43,688
He's not marriedmarried. He's
separated, and they're getting a divorce.

214
00:09:43,713 --> 00:09:45,803
They haven't had a
real marriage in years.

215
00:09:45,976 --> 00:09:47,326
What, they have a fake marriage?

216
00:09:47,499 --> 00:09:49,109
They dress up
in little costumes?

217
00:09:49,284 --> 00:09:51,294
Married is married.

218
00:09:51,460 --> 00:09:54,160
Mona, if Earl says his
marriage is over, I believe him.

219
00:09:54,332 --> 00:09:57,512
Phyllis, they looked
awfully chummy

220
00:09:57,684 --> 00:10:00,604
when I saw them together.
What about his wife?

221
00:10:00,774 --> 00:10:02,994
Nobody thought about
me when I was separated.

222
00:10:03,167 --> 00:10:05,427
Ok, I'm out of
this conversation.

223
00:10:06,867 --> 00:10:09,777
Ma, you really
don't know this guy.

224
00:10:09,957 --> 00:10:12,177
I'm tired of being
without a man.

225
00:10:12,350 --> 00:10:15,050
And at my age, the only
models available are pre-owned.

226
00:10:16,093 --> 00:10:18,183
So what if Earl doesn't
have that new car smell?

227
00:10:18,356 --> 00:10:21,226
I'm gonna hang a pine tree
on his ass and keep driving.

228
00:10:23,623 --> 00:10:25,493
I am not giving him up.

229
00:10:30,499 --> 00:10:32,759
So, what do you make of
this whole Phyllis-Earl thing?

230
00:10:32,936 --> 00:10:34,416
What do you care?

231
00:10:34,590 --> 00:10:36,190
It's just that
something's a bit strange,

232
00:10:36,287 --> 00:10:38,897
a little askew, a smidge wonky.

233
00:10:39,421 --> 00:10:41,621
I don't know what you're talking
about. Everything's normal.

234
00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:44,321
There's nothing to spill. If there
was something to spill, I'd spill it.

235
00:10:44,339 --> 00:10:46,689
[Sigh] You're being
loyal to your sister.

236
00:10:46,863 --> 00:10:49,393
I admire that, and I would
never want you to say something

237
00:10:49,561 --> 00:10:50,611
to betray her trust.

238
00:10:50,780 --> 00:10:52,780
Here, write it down.

239
00:10:58,788 --> 00:11:00,088
"I'm not telling you."

240
00:11:01,051 --> 00:11:02,751
Tee-hee.

241
00:11:02,923 --> 00:11:04,623
Do you like my ring?

242
00:11:04,794 --> 00:11:09,064
10 carats of brilliant
cut, flawless diamonds.

243
00:11:09,233 --> 00:11:10,893
One day it'll be yours.

244
00:11:11,061 --> 00:11:13,321
It's so sparkly.

245
00:11:14,282 --> 00:11:16,682
Tell me what you're
keeping from me,

246
00:11:16,850 --> 00:11:18,460
and you can have it now.

247
00:11:20,114 --> 00:11:21,904
There.

248
00:11:22,072 --> 00:11:23,912
Now you're the prettiest
girl in the whole room.

249
00:11:24,814 --> 00:11:27,434
Ok, but you can't tell anyone

250
00:11:27,599 --> 00:11:28,729
what I'm about to tell you.

251
00:11:31,473 --> 00:11:32,563
Mona told me...

252
00:11:33,605 --> 00:11:34,905
That Phyllis told Earl...

253
00:11:35,564 --> 00:11:36,834
That you're a drag queen.

254
00:11:39,524 --> 00:11:42,014
How dare that lonely cat-herder!

255
00:11:43,137 --> 00:11:44,357
I'll take my ring back now.

256
00:11:44,529 --> 00:11:46,099
But you said I could have it.

257
00:11:46,270 --> 00:11:48,400
Hey, it's a tough world,

258
00:11:48,577 --> 00:11:49,767
and mother wouldn't be doing
her job if she didn't prepare you.

259
00:11:49,796 --> 00:11:50,926
[Snap snap]

260
00:11:52,929 --> 00:11:56,499
I just can't understand
how my mom, of all people,

261
00:11:56,672 --> 00:11:58,412
could be dating a married man.

262
00:11:58,587 --> 00:12:00,417
What's the big deal?

263
00:12:00,589 --> 00:12:02,309
When you're separated, you
have license to date other people.

264
00:12:02,330 --> 00:12:04,290
Says who, a bunch of horny guys?

265
00:12:04,462 --> 00:12:06,772
Are there any other kind?

266
00:12:06,943 --> 00:12:08,343
Hi. I'm randi.

267
00:12:08,510 --> 00:12:09,640
And I'm Rita.

268
00:12:09,816 --> 00:12:11,296
And y'all are both bold.

269
00:12:11,469 --> 00:12:12,819
We're having a
party Friday night.

270
00:12:12,993 --> 00:12:14,173
Want to join us?

271
00:12:14,908 --> 00:12:17,388
With every ounce of my being.

272
00:12:18,999 --> 00:12:21,259
Uh, I mean, uh, no, thank you.

273
00:12:21,436 --> 00:12:22,476
I'm in a... A...

274
00:12:22,654 --> 00:12:24,484
Committed relationship.

275
00:12:24,656 --> 00:12:27,436
An honest guy. What a turn-on.

276
00:12:27,616 --> 00:12:29,356
Too bad we can't fight over him.

277
00:12:30,053 --> 00:12:32,233
Uh, uh, but you can!

278
00:12:32,403 --> 00:12:33,973
I'll hold your blouses!

279
00:12:35,972 --> 00:12:37,282
[Knock on door]

280
00:12:37,452 --> 00:12:38,672
Hi!

281
00:12:38,845 --> 00:12:40,365
I brought Sushi, chocolate,

282
00:12:40,542 --> 00:12:42,022
and a copy of Oprah's magazine.

283
00:12:42,196 --> 00:12:43,756
Oh, look. She's
on the cover again.

284
00:12:45,373 --> 00:12:46,683
Let me guess.

285
00:12:46,853 --> 00:12:49,033
You're trying to butter me up

286
00:12:49,203 --> 00:12:50,443
'cause you're on your way to see
Earl, and you want my approval.

287
00:12:50,465 --> 00:12:52,025
How'd you know that?

288
00:12:52,206 --> 00:12:53,766
You always bring
me my favorite foods

289
00:12:53,947 --> 00:12:55,337
when you don't
want me to be mad.

290
00:12:55,513 --> 00:12:57,433
And you're wearing
your butt-shaper pants.

291
00:12:58,603 --> 00:13:00,743
Well, I am meeting Earl
at the St. Francis hotel.

292
00:13:00,910 --> 00:13:03,570
I think he's gonna tell me
he's finally getting that divorce.

293
00:13:03,739 --> 00:13:06,439
You are not going down there to
be with someone else's husband.

294
00:13:06,611 --> 00:13:08,271
Hello! I'm the mother here.

295
00:13:08,439 --> 00:13:09,749
You need to
remember how you felt

296
00:13:09,919 --> 00:13:11,309
when you were separated

297
00:13:11,486 --> 00:13:13,166
and you lost your
husband to another woman,

298
00:13:13,227 --> 00:13:15,967
but in this case,
you'rebig Dee Dee.

299
00:13:17,013 --> 00:13:18,753
Oh, you have crossed
the line, young lady.

300
00:13:19,537 --> 00:13:22,057
I am not big Dee Dee, and
this is not the same situation.

301
00:13:22,236 --> 00:13:23,586
You keep telling yourself that,

302
00:13:23,759 --> 00:13:24,929
and I'll keep telling myself

303
00:13:25,108 --> 00:13:26,468
this chocolate
won't go to my hips,

304
00:13:26,544 --> 00:13:28,244
and tomorrow,
we'll both be wrong.

305
00:13:32,376 --> 00:13:34,506
Thanks for bringing
over the salsa.

306
00:13:34,683 --> 00:13:37,123
Wait. This expired 2 weeks ago.

307
00:13:39,557 --> 00:13:43,557
Please. An expiration
date is just a suggestion.

308
00:13:48,175 --> 00:13:50,435
Apparently a good one.

309
00:13:51,874 --> 00:13:53,484
[Knock on door]

310
00:13:56,487 --> 00:13:58,047
Hi. Can I help you?

311
00:13:58,228 --> 00:13:59,528
Oh, my god, you're so young.

312
00:13:59,708 --> 00:14:01,358
Uh... thank you.

313
00:14:02,537 --> 00:14:04,017
Before I say anything else,

314
00:14:04,191 --> 00:14:05,871
I just want you to
know how difficult it is

315
00:14:06,019 --> 00:14:07,929
for me to be standing
here right now.

316
00:14:08,108 --> 00:14:10,718
I... I've rehearsed this moment
over and over in my head.

317
00:14:10,893 --> 00:14:12,503
I... i just need you to listen.

318
00:14:12,677 --> 00:14:14,507
I'm all ears. Who are you?

319
00:14:16,725 --> 00:14:20,245
Look, I know the truth about
you and my husband Earl.

320
00:14:20,424 --> 00:14:22,914
I found your address when I
was searching through his pockets.

321
00:14:23,079 --> 00:14:26,129
Yes, I search his pockets.
Who are you to judge?

322
00:14:28,476 --> 00:14:31,996
Ok, he was here, but
he wasn't here to see me.

323
00:14:32,175 --> 00:14:34,435
He was here to
see... Somebody else.

324
00:14:34,612 --> 00:14:35,832
Hey, Mona, which one of these

325
00:14:36,005 --> 00:14:37,525
do you think is more naughty?

326
00:14:41,358 --> 00:14:42,658
Denise.

327
00:14:42,838 --> 00:14:44,968
Olive maraschino.

328
00:14:47,799 --> 00:14:49,579
Olive maraschino?

329
00:14:50,628 --> 00:14:52,538
Yes. Olive maraschino.

330
00:14:52,717 --> 00:14:54,847
Denise: Oh, my god!

331
00:14:55,024 --> 00:14:57,034
You're the one
Earl's been seeing.

332
00:14:57,200 --> 00:14:59,420
Well, I suppose he told
you he was separated

333
00:14:59,594 --> 00:15:00,904
and contemplating divorce.

334
00:15:01,074 --> 00:15:02,514
Well, let me tell you something,

335
00:15:02,684 --> 00:15:05,694
for 20 years... 20 years,
I've cooked his food,

336
00:15:05,861 --> 00:15:07,301
laughed at his corny jokes,

337
00:15:07,471 --> 00:15:09,781
and put up with his
country-ass family.

338
00:15:11,127 --> 00:15:13,697
I'm not giving all
that up without a fight.

339
00:15:14,435 --> 00:15:16,695
Then, I guess we're
all on the same page

340
00:15:16,872 --> 00:15:19,012
because when I realized
that Earl was married,

341
00:15:19,179 --> 00:15:20,659
I broke it off,

342
00:15:20,832 --> 00:15:23,922
and I recently met
the man of my dreams.

343
00:15:24,097 --> 00:15:26,267
Is this guacamole mask edible?

344
00:15:28,231 --> 00:15:30,361
There's my suntanned
Superman now.

345
00:15:30,538 --> 00:15:32,928
Baby, I missed
you so much today.

346
00:15:35,673 --> 00:15:37,813
That's it. You
women are animals.

347
00:15:37,980 --> 00:15:40,330
I'm not leaving my apartment
again without Camille.

348
00:15:42,593 --> 00:15:44,333
Damn, I'm fineness!

349
00:15:47,642 --> 00:15:48,962
I don't know what's
going on here,

350
00:15:49,122 --> 00:15:50,122
but I am not buying it.

351
00:15:50,253 --> 00:15:51,343
Me, either.

352
00:15:51,515 --> 00:15:53,335
I'm gonna track down Earl

353
00:15:53,517 --> 00:15:54,947
and get to the bottom of this.

354
00:15:57,478 --> 00:16:00,088
Oh, you just had to
drag your new man into it.

355
00:16:00,829 --> 00:16:03,219
Hey, the lady bought
olive maraschino!

356
00:16:03,397 --> 00:16:04,697
I went for broke!

357
00:16:05,877 --> 00:16:07,657
Wait, wait, wait.
My mom's with Earl.

358
00:16:07,836 --> 00:16:10,926
We gotta track her down
before Denise takes her down.

359
00:16:11,100 --> 00:16:13,060
I hate to say it, but
life was a lot easier

360
00:16:13,233 --> 00:16:14,673
when your mother wasn't dating!

361
00:16:19,543 --> 00:16:21,943
Mmm. Thank you.

362
00:16:24,418 --> 00:16:25,678
Would you like to dance,

363
00:16:25,854 --> 00:16:27,774
or should I just kiss you now?

364
00:16:27,943 --> 00:16:29,813
Earl, I thought we came here

365
00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:31,819
to discuss your
marital situation.

366
00:16:32,774 --> 00:16:34,434
Ok, you can kiss me now.

367
00:16:36,778 --> 00:16:39,518
Now, stop trying to
change the subject.

368
00:16:39,694 --> 00:16:41,784
Oh, I already
forgot what it was.

369
00:16:43,828 --> 00:16:46,608
Listen, now that we're here,

370
00:16:46,788 --> 00:16:48,658
why not enjoy each other

371
00:16:48,833 --> 00:16:50,403
without all my baggage?

372
00:16:50,574 --> 00:16:51,884
I, um...

373
00:16:53,099 --> 00:16:54,319
Got us a room...

374
00:16:55,144 --> 00:16:56,414
With champagne,

375
00:16:56,580 --> 00:16:58,800
and your favorite... goobers.

376
00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:02,410
Ah.

377
00:17:08,810 --> 00:17:10,250
You dropped your family.

378
00:17:11,900 --> 00:17:14,560
Things are very
complicated, Phyllis.

379
00:17:14,729 --> 00:17:16,079
I'm doing the best that I can.

380
00:17:16,252 --> 00:17:17,602
I'm sure you are,

381
00:17:17,775 --> 00:17:20,685
but how long is
that going to take?

382
00:17:20,865 --> 00:17:23,295
If it was my choice, it
would be over tomorrow,

383
00:17:23,868 --> 00:17:27,788
but, tonight, I
want to be with you.

384
00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:30,438
I know.

385
00:17:30,614 --> 00:17:32,274
But to be safe,

386
00:17:32,442 --> 00:17:34,232
I'd better go up first.

387
00:17:35,706 --> 00:17:37,056
See you upstairs.

388
00:17:46,326 --> 00:17:47,536
Waiter!

389
00:17:49,329 --> 00:17:52,069
Could you see this gets
returned to the front desk, please?

390
00:17:53,855 --> 00:17:54,935
Hold up!

391
00:17:57,380 --> 00:17:58,900
Tired of always
doing the right thing.

392
00:17:59,078 --> 00:18:01,298
If lovin' him is wrong,
I don't want to be right.

393
00:18:03,691 --> 00:18:04,911
No!

394
00:18:05,562 --> 00:18:06,822
No.

395
00:18:06,998 --> 00:18:08,568
Have to live with myself.

396
00:18:08,739 --> 00:18:10,699
God knows, it's
hard enough already.

397
00:18:11,307 --> 00:18:12,587
Now take this key, man, and run!

398
00:18:12,613 --> 00:18:13,883
Run!

399
00:18:17,966 --> 00:18:20,446
Oh, ma, I am so glad we
found you. Where's Earl?

400
00:18:20,621 --> 00:18:21,971
What are you two doing here?

401
00:18:22,144 --> 00:18:24,104
I think Mona can
answer that. Mona?

402
00:18:24,886 --> 00:18:28,496
Ma, Earl is still very
much with his wife.

403
00:18:28,672 --> 00:18:30,632
She came to my apartment.

404
00:18:30,805 --> 00:18:33,105
She was looking for his
mistress, which would be you,

405
00:18:33,286 --> 00:18:36,376
and I know you don't
want to hear this,

406
00:18:36,550 --> 00:18:40,380
especially from me, but this
relationship is a dead end.

407
00:18:40,554 --> 00:18:42,034
And you just got to trust

408
00:18:42,208 --> 00:18:43,838
that there's something
better out there for you.

409
00:18:43,861 --> 00:18:45,121
Ok.

410
00:18:47,213 --> 00:18:48,393
"Ok"?

411
00:18:48,562 --> 00:18:50,042
You said let him go. Done.

412
00:18:50,912 --> 00:18:52,832
I just said it.

413
00:18:53,001 --> 00:18:55,961
Well, when a mother has a
daughter as smart as you, she listens.

414
00:18:56,135 --> 00:18:57,605
On what planet?

415
00:18:58,746 --> 00:19:00,486
Are you playing
mind games with me?

416
00:19:00,661 --> 00:19:02,921
Because if you are, you're good.

417
00:19:03,098 --> 00:19:04,228
I've always been good.

418
00:19:04,404 --> 00:19:06,014
You're just finally catching on.

419
00:19:07,798 --> 00:19:10,238
You know, ma, there
is a bright side to all this.

420
00:19:10,410 --> 00:19:11,930
At least, now you know

421
00:19:12,107 --> 00:19:14,197
you can still open
your heart to a man.

422
00:19:14,370 --> 00:19:15,720
True.

423
00:19:15,893 --> 00:19:17,533
Next time, I just have
to run his license,

424
00:19:17,678 --> 00:19:20,118
get his fingerprints, and
do a background check.

425
00:19:22,770 --> 00:19:24,950
You're a wonderful
daughter, Mona Thorne.

426
00:19:26,034 --> 00:19:27,434
Now move.

427
00:19:29,298 --> 00:19:32,948
And you are ok, too,
despite your parents.

428
00:19:34,782 --> 00:19:37,442
All right, I got to go before
my validation runs out.

429
00:19:37,611 --> 00:19:40,181
I refuse to lose a man
andoverpay for parking.

430
00:19:43,182 --> 00:19:45,142
Wow, I feel so powerful.

431
00:19:45,314 --> 00:19:48,104
Maybe now I can get my mom to
stop wearing her slippers to the movies.

432
00:19:50,014 --> 00:19:51,454
Baby steps, Mona.

433
00:19:51,625 --> 00:19:52,885
Baby steps.

434
00:20:00,286 --> 00:20:01,496
Phyllis.

435
00:20:01,678 --> 00:20:03,378
Big Dee Dee.

436
00:20:03,550 --> 00:20:05,900
I know all about your
sordid little secret.

437
00:20:06,074 --> 00:20:08,164
How dare you call
me a drag queen?!

438
00:20:09,469 --> 00:20:12,169
You only wish you
could pass for a woman.

439
00:20:13,124 --> 00:20:15,614
Enough woman
for a full-size man.

440
00:20:16,911 --> 00:20:18,651
But I am sorry I called
you a drag queen.

441
00:20:18,826 --> 00:20:20,866
Thank you.

442
00:20:21,045 --> 00:20:23,205
Don't thank me. I just don't
want to insult drag queens.

443
00:20:47,681 --> 00:20:49,381
Whoo-hoo!

444
00:20:49,431 --> 00:20:53,981
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